I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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