8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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