can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
