While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
