Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
