no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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