Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
