walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Randomize
