I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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