Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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