I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
