i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
