You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
