Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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