i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She needs sedatives and a leash
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
