WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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