I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
