how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
