he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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