he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
