Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
