rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
