Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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