loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
