I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
that is very illegal...i love you.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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