oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I wish life had little blips of pornography
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
