just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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