I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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