I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
