This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
