So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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