Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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