Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
