Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I just blew my weed a kiss
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
