his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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