i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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