please come you make the beer taste better
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
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