Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
