Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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