Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
