So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
