...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
