I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Let's get the cat blown out
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
