I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
