Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
