it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
