For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
