are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
