so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize