I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
When are your genitals available?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
