Have you finally orgasmed yet?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Come see our sink grown plant.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
