I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
