So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
