So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
