You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
