Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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