dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
