I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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