theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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