Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
