So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
