talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
