I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
