I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
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