If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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