My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Randomize