Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize