I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
