I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
tell me about the eggs
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
