I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
