So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
