i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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