I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize