oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
4 words: hood of his car
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I wish you could order shots online.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
