Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
They have beer where we have blood.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize